Full Metal Jacket: Gunnery Sargeant Hartman

Worst: Well, it’s that time of the week again when Mandy, my Personal Trainer, pays a visit. And today, I learned how to tell the time. Not by a watch, sun dials or any other conventional apparatuses, but by the 90 degree angle and positioning of my own legs in front of my body. I learned what 6 o’clock, 4:30 and 3 o’clock was in her fitness world! Ouch!

What is 3 o’clock, you ask? Okay, I am on my side, legs at the 3 o’clock, perfect 90 degrees, angle, on top of one another. Lift up for 10X; then lift up for 10X, pulse 2 counts; then lift and karate chop for 10X…whuh? Exactly my thoughts! Then repeat at 4:30, 6:00 and so on. I am trying not to laugh as I am screaming through the pain! My ass hurts and it feels like it just fell off!

When you are paying someone like a PT to come into your home, it’s common curtesy to follow their instructions although you may prefer giving birth without any drugs instead! She is here with a purpose! Don’t get me wrong, Mandy is lovely with a fabulous personality, she’ll bark at me with this gleaming smile on her face. But today, she asked me what time it was. The movie Full Metal Jacket popped into my mind, I screamed and laughed, “I don’t know Gunnery Sargeant Hartman!” Please, someone call the emergency services! Patient down!!!

Best: But after almost passing out from demonstrating every hour on the hour, my buttocks are fast becoming buns of steel again!